Friday, June 14, 2013
the fRIDAY fUNNIES are located at http://thefridayfunniesbydrbernie.blogspot.com
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Comments & Contributors
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Thanks to everyone for sending in some fUNNIES this week. Want more fUNNIES to read? Send good ones to me!
Enjoy! DrB
the fRIDAY fUNNIES are located at
http://thefridayfunniesbydrbernie.blogspot.com
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Comments & Contributors
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Thanks to everyone for sending in some fUNNIES this week. Want more fUNNIES to read? Send good ones to me!
Enjoy! DrB
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From Annie Shum- What to do When the Internet is Down
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From Dick Sziede – I Survived!
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From Annie Shum – True Story
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They work them hard in German
banks.
They make the eat, breathe, and
sleep their jobs. Especially that last one.
At least that's the impression
that must be gleaned from the tale of a German bank employee who fell asleep on
his computer keyboard.
Oh, we've all done it. We've
all woken up hours later to read that we just wrote:
"CHHCHCHCHCHCCHCHCHCHCCCO."
And yet this bank employee
seems to have fallen asleep during a transfer of funds.
Banker
sleeps on keyboard, mistakenly transfers $293M
He WAS supposed to make a
transfer of 62.40 euros, but somehow he falls asleep on the keyboard and
continually presses the number 2.
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From DICK
SZIEDE - HEAVEN
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Mike and Yvonne were 85 years old and had been married for sixty
years. Though they were far from rich, they managed to get by because they
carefully watched their pennies.
Though not young, they were both in very good health, largely due to
Yvonne's insistence on healthy foods and exercise for the last decade.
One day, their good health didn't help when they went on a vacation
and their plane crashed, sending them off to Heaven.
They reached the pearly gates, and St. Peter escorted them inside. He
took them to a beautiful mansion, furnished in gold and fine silks, with a
fully stocked kitchen and a waterfall in the master bath.
A maid could be seen hanging their favorite clothes in the closet.
They gasped in astonishment when he said, 'Welcome to Heaven. This will be your
home now.'
Mike asked Peter how much all this was going to cost. 'Why, nothing,'
Peter replied, 'remember, this is your reward in Heaven.'
Mike looked out the window and right there he saw a championship golf
course, finer and more beautiful than any ever built on Earth.
'What are the greens fees?' grumbled Mike.
'This is heaven,' St. Peter replied. 'You can play for free, every
day.'
Next they went to the clubhouse and saw the lavish buffet
lunch. 'Don't even ask,' said St.
Peter to Mike. This is Heaven, it is all free for you to enjoy.'
Mike looked around and nervously asked Yvonne 'Well, where are the low
fat and low cholesterol foods and the decaffeinated tea?'
'That's the best part,' St. Peter replied. 'You can eat and drink as
much as you like and you will never get fat or sick. This is Heaven!'
'No gym to work out at?' said Mike
'Not unless you want to,' was the answer.
'No testing my sugar or blood pressure or...'
'Never again'
Mike glared at Yvonne and said, 'You and your Fucking Bran Flakes. We could have been here ten years
ago!'
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From Chuck Hopf – Inner Peace
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If you can start the day without caffeine,
If you can always be cheerful, ignoring aches and pains
If you can resist complaining and boring people with
your troubles,
If you can eat the same food every day and be grateful
for it,
If you can understand when your loved ones are too busy
to give you any time,
If you can take criticism and blame without
resentment,
If you can conquer tension without medical help,
If you can relax without alcohol,
If you can sleep without the aid of drugs,
...Then You Are Probably ..........
The Family Dog!
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from Tom Sokolowski – Old Age is Great
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An old lady was asked,
"At your ripe age, what would you
prefer to get : Parkinsons or Alzheimers?"
The wise one answered,
The wise one answered,
"Definitely Parkinsons - Better to
spill half my wine than to forget where I keep the bottle."
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from Dave Berger – The Serman
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During our priest's sermon a large plant
fell over right behind the pulpit, crashing to the ground. Acknowledging his
reputation for long-windedness, he smiled sheepishly and said, "Well,
the's the first time I actually put a plant to sleep."
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from Feedblitz – Pounce, Kill, Devour, Hooray
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Have
a terrific weekend!
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