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http://thefridayfunniesbydrbernie.blogspot.com is the home of the Friday Funnies
Friday, June 11, 2010
Dear Earth --- This week in the life of Dr Bernie – do you really care???? – In any case, I graduated from my Cardiac Rehab program, and promptly joined the ‘Wellness Center’ exercise program … Michelle is my trainer (yes, I have a personal trainer!)
DON’T expect miracles … just waking up to get there is an accomplishment!
Finally, there are a couple of KILLER jokes in this weeks’ crop … my favorite: the Kissing Test!
Enjoy the summer weather! J Dr Bernie
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Contributions From:
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· Feedblitz – It Was All So Suddenly Tragic
· Feedblitz – Sounds Like Work …
· Steve-J – A Short Neurological Test
· Denny Adams – The Medical Student
· Cousin Toby – Why SH is So Important
· Paul Keister – A Home Depot Story
· Feedblitz – Looks Like Hell
· Chuck Hopf – Come to the USA
· Tom Sokolowski – The Kissing Test
· Fred Silver – Dress Code for Older Folks
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From Feedblitz – It Was All So Suddenly Tragic
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From Feedblitz – Sounds Like Work …
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From Steve-J – A Short Neurological Test
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Here are a couple of quizzes to get your brain going this morning.
Have a great week!
SJ
A Short Neurological Test
1- Find the C below.. Please do not use any cursor help.
OOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO
OOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO
OOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO
OOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO
OOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO
OOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO
OOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOCOOOOOOOOOOO
OOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO
OOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO
OOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO
OOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO
2- If you already found the C, now find the 6 below.
99999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999
99999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999
99999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999
69999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999
99999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999
99999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999
3 - Now find the N below. It's a little more difficult.
MMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMNMM
MMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMM
MMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMM
MMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMM
MMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMM
This is NOT a joke. If you were able to pass these 3 tests, you can cancel your annual visit to your neurologist.
Your brain is great and you're far from having a close relationship with Alzheimer.
Congratulations!
Eonvrye that can raed this rsaie your hnad.
Only great minds can read this.
This is weird, but interesting!
If you can raed this, you have a sgtrane mnid too.
Can you raed this? Olny 55 plepoe out of 100 can.
I cdnuolt blveiee that I cluod aulaclty uesdnatnrd what I was rdanieg. The phaonmneal pweor of the hmuan mnid, aoccdrnig to a rscheearch at Cmabrigde Uinervtisy, it dseno't mtaetr in what oerdr the ltteres in a word are, the olny iproamtnt tihng is that the frsit and last ltteer be in the rghit pclae. The rset can be a taotl mses and you can still raed it whotuit a pboerlm. This is bcuseae the huamn mnid deos not raed ervey lteter by istlef, but the word as a wlohe. Azanmig huh? Yaeh and I awlyas tghuhot slpeling was ipmorantt!
How fast can you guess the words?
1. B o o _ s
2. _ _ n d o m
3. F _ _ k
4. P _ n _ s
5. P u _ s _
Answers Below, Don't cheat
Answers:
1. Books
2. Random
3. Fork
4. Pants
5. Pulse
You got all 5 wrong DIDN'T YOU?!
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From Denny Adams – The Medical Student
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A medical student was in the morgue one day after classes, getting a little practice in before the final exams. He went over to a table where a body was lying face down. He removed the sheet over the body and to his surprise he found a cork in the corpse’s rectum.
Figuring this was fairly unusual, he pulled the cork out, and to his surprise, music began playing “On the road again… Just can’t wait to get on the road again…”
The student was amazed, and placed the cork back in the rectum. The music stopped.
Totally freaked out, the student called the Medical Examiner over to the corpse. “Look at this. This is really something!” the student told the examiner as he pulled the cork back out again.
“On the road again… Just can’t wait to get on the road again…”
“So what?”, the Medical Examiner replied, obviously unimpressed with the student’s discovery.
“But isn’t that the most amazing thing you’ve ever seen?” asked the student.
“Are you kidding?” replied the Examiner, “Any asshole can sing country music.”
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From Cousin Toby – Why SH is So Important
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To those Friday Funnies folks who are not well versed in Yiddish –
Yiddish, English, Polish, and a couple of other European languages were the languages spoken in my home growing up. While some of these below might be really new words for you, trust me, they ALL were spoken in my house … and my relatives (ie. Cousin Toby who sent it).
None of them are particularly flattering … but they are funny! --- J DrB
WHY SH IS SO IMPORTANT IN YIDDISH:
SH MUCK
SH LEPPER
SH NORER
SH LIMAZL
SH VANTZ
SH VITZ
SH MENDRIK
SH TUPN ARAIN
SH TARK VI A FERD
SH EINER TUCHES
SH VARTZE
SH IKSA
SH AGETZ
SH ANDA
SH LEMIEL
SH UL
SH LEP NACHAS
SH ABBOS
SH ADCHEN
SH IKKER
SH AMUS
SH AYTL
SH EHECHEYANU
SH ALOM
SH ECHINAH
SH NOOK
SH USH
SH IVA
SH TETEL
SH MEER
SH A
SH MUTZ
SH MATEH
SH MEGEGI (My favorite;-)
SH TICK DREK (My 2nd favorite!)
SH PILKES IN TUCHES (My 3rd favorite!)
And that's the gantsa SH MEGILLA!
Is everyone laughing????
PS: Can anybody translate all of these?
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From Paul Keister – A Home Depot Story
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Charlie was installing a new door and found that one of
the hinges was missing.
He asked his wife Mary if she would go to Home Depot
and pick up a hinge.
Mary agreed to go.
While she was waiting for the manager to
finish serving a customer, her eye caught a beautiful bathroom faucet.
When the manager was finished, Mary asked him, "How much is
that faucet?"
The manager replied, "That's a gold plated faucet and the price
is $800.00.
Mary exclaimed, "My goodness, that is a very expensive faucet. It's
certainly out of my price bracket."
She then proceeded to describe the hinge that Charlie had sent her to
buy.
The manager said that he had them in stock and went into the storeroom
to get one.
From the storeroom the manager yelled. "Ma'am, do you wanna screw for
the hinge?"
Mary paused for a moment and then shouted back, "No, but I will for
the faucet."
This is why you can't send a woman to Home Depot!
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From Feedblitz – Looks Like Hell
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From Chuck Hopf – Come to the USA
From Chuck Hopf – Come to the USA
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Ray Stevens just finished a new internet video about illegal immigration and
I want you to be one of the first to see it. It's "Come to the U.S.A."
and it's been on You Tube less than 24 hours. Just click this link.
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From Tom Sokolowski – The Kissing Test
From Tom Sokolowski – The Kissing Test
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From Fred Silver – Dress Code for Older Folks
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Many of us 'Older Folks' (WAY over 40) are quite confused today about how we should present ourselves.
'Feeling young', we try to conform to current fashions and present a youthful image.
Contrary to what you may have seen on the streets, the following combinations DO NOT go together and should be avoided:
1. A nose ring and bifocals
2. Spiked hair and bald spots
3. A pierced tongue and dentures
4. Miniskirts and support hose
5. Ankle bracelets and corn pads
6. Speedos and cellulite
7. A belly button ring and a gall bladder surgery scar
8. Unbuttoned disco shirts and a heart monitor
9. Midriff shirts and a midriff bulge
10. Bikinis and liver spots
11.. Mini skirts and varicose veins
And, Most importantly
At some point you have to give up the 'DAISY DUKE' shorts
Oooo-eck!....... Shut up! You know it's funny.
Now, send it on to someone else and make them smile.
Now, send it on to someone else and make them smile.
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