Friday, January 07, 2011

the fRIDAY fUNNIES are located at
http://thefridayfunniesbydrbernie.blogspot.com

Was home all week other than a visit to the doc and a chest xray … I think I’m almost better … off to warm weather next week … I need some!   Maybe you do too?  Not to worry as I’m still planning on putting together another fUNNIES for next week!

Hope you have a great weekend!   : )   Dr Bernie

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Comments & Contributors
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• -      Dave Thorn – Computers … Female?
• -      Fred Silver – Paddy & Murphy
• -      Tom Sokolowski – Romance Novel
• -      Sokolowski – Totally Blonde
• -      Feedblitz – A Little Something for the Pagans
• -      Sokolowski – How Are Wilson Footballs Made?
• -      SymanSays - Thought of the Day
• -      Feedblitz – Serenity Now
• -      Fred Silver – A Beautiful Message
• -      Fred Silver – We Are Awesome!

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From Dave Thorn – Computers … Female?

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Men think that computers should be referred to as female, just like ships, because:

1. No one but their creator understands their internal logic.

2. The language in which they communicate among themselves is incomprehensible to everyone else.

3. The message "Bad command or File Name" is about as informative as "if you don't know why I'm mad at you, I'm certainly not going to tell you !"

4. Your smallest mistakes are stored in long term memory for later retrieval.

5. As soon as you make a commitment to one, you spend half your paycheck on accessories for it.

6. Miss a period and they go wild.

7. You do the same thing for years, and suddenly it's wrong.

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From Fred Silver – Paddy & Murphy

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Paddy and Murphy are working on  a building site.

Paddy says to Murphy "I'm gonna have the day off, I'm gonna pretend I'm mad!"

He climbs up the rafters , hangs upside down and shouts  "I'M A LIGHTBULB!

I'M A LIGHTBULB!"   Murphy watches in amazement!

The Foreman shouts "Paddy you're mad, go home"    So he leaves the site.

Murphy starts packing his kit up to leave as well.Where the hell are you going?" asks the Foreman.

I can't work in the friggin' dark!" says Murphy.

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From Tom Sokolowski – Romance Novel

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Romance Novel

  He held me firmly but gently just above my elbow and guided me into a

room.  I had never been there but I knew this was his room.  I knew

what he was going to do to me, and I knew I was going to let him.  The

door closed quietly and we were alone.

He approached silently from behind and spoke in a low, reassuring

voice close to my ear.  "Just relax."

Without warning, he reached down and I felt his strong, calloused

hands start at my ankles, gently probing, and caressing upward along

my tender calves slowly and steadily.  My breath caught in my throat.

I knew I should be afraid, but somehow I didn't care.  His touch was

so experienced, so sure.

When his hands moved under my skirt to my thighs I gave a slight

shudder and partly closed my eyes.  My pulse was pounding.  His

knowing fingers continued upward across my abdomen, my ribcage.  And

then, as he cupped my firm, full breasts in his hands, I inhaled

sharply.  Probing, searching, knowing what he wanted, his teasing

hands quickly moved to my shoulders and slid down my tingling spine.

My entire body was throbbing when he discovered my pink, lace thong.

Although I knew nothing about this man,  I felt oddly trusting and

expectant.  "This is a man," I thought.  A man used to taking charge.

A man not used to taking "No" for an answer.  A man who would tell me

what he wanted.  A man who would look into my soul and say...

"Okay all done.  Here's your purse, ma'am.  Have a nice flight."

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From Sokolowski – Totally Blonde

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A blonde with two red ears went to her doctor. The doctor asked her 

what had happened to her ears. She answered, "I was ironing a shirt and 

the phone rang, but instead of picking up the phone, I accidentally 

picked up the iron and stuck it to my ear."

"Oh dear!" the doctor exclaimed in disbelief. "But what happened to the 

other ear?"

"The son of a b*#*#@ called back!"

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From Feedblitz – A Little Something for the Pagans

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http://thisisindexed.com/wp-content/uploads/2011/01/IndexedOlympians2.jpg

Top of Form

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From Sokolowski – How are Wilson Footballs Made?
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Here's how a little assembly plant in Ada , Ohio makes all the Wilson NFL balls.   And we want to continue outsourcing all types of manufacturing in the U.S. to overseas plants?  Look at the employees and their longevity at this plant.

Fantastic Dedication to Job Performance and Precision!

Quite a business, their only product, lifetime employment for maybe 40-50 people, $25 million annual revenue, low overhead!

Look at this........

           

http://www.reliableplant.com/View/21492/how-wilson-manufactures-nfl-game-footballs

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From SymanSays – Thought of the Day

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Spotted outside a church in Michigan: "Honk if you love Jesus. Keep on texting while you drive if you want to meet Him."   -Gene Vesely-

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From Feedblitz – Serenity Now!

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http://thisisindexed.com/wp-content/uploads/2011/01/card2778.jpg

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From Fred Silver – A Beautiful Message  

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A BEAUTIFUL MESSAGE ABOUT GROWING OLD:

Crap  ...

 I forgot what it was.....

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From Fred Silver – We Are Awesome!

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No matter what our kids and the new generation think about us, WE ARE AWESOME !!! OUR LIFE IS LIVING PROOF !!!    To Those of  Us  Born  1925 - 1970 :     At the end of this email is a quote of the month byJay Leno. If you don't read anything else, please read what he said.   Very well stated, Mr. Leno. ~~~~~~~~~ TO ALL THE KIDS WHO SURVIVED THE 1930s, '40s, '50s, '60s and '70s!! First, we survived being born to mothers who may have smoked and/or drank while they were pregnant.   They took aspirin, ate blue cheese dressing, tuna from a can, and didn't get tested for diabetes.    Then, after that trauma, we were  put to sleep on our tummies  in baby cribs covered  with bright colored lead-based paints.    We had no childproof lids on medicine bottles, locks on doors or cabinets,  and, when we rode our bikes,  we had baseball caps,  not helmets, on our heads.      As infants and children, we would ride in cars with no car seats, no booster seats, no seat belts, no air bags, bald tires and sometimes no brakes.      Riding in the back of a pick- up truck on a warm day was always a special treat.    We drank water from the garden hose and not from a bottle.      We shared one soft drink with four friends, from one bottle, and no one actually died from this.      We ate cupcakes, white bread, real butter, and bacon. We drank Kool-Aid made with real white sugar. And we weren't overweight.  WHY?    Because we were always outside playing...that's why!    We would leave home in the morning and play all day, as long as we were back when the streetlights came on.  No one was able to reach us all day.  --And, we were OKAY.      We would spend hours building  our go-carts out of scraps  and then ride them down the hill,  only to find out we forgot the brakes.. After running into the bushes a few times, we learned to solve the problem.      We did not have Play Stations, Nintendos and X-boxes. There were  no video games, no 150 channels on cable,  no video movies or DVDs,  no surround-sound or CDs,  no cell phones,  no personal computers,  no Internet and no chat rooms..      WE HAD FRIENDS  and we went outside and found  them!    We fell out of trees, got cut,  broke bones and teeth,  and there were no lawsuits  from those accidents. We would get spankings with wooden spoons, switches, ping-pong paddles, or just a bare hand, and no one would call child services to report abuse.     We ate worms, and mud pies  made from dirt, and  the worms did not live in us forever.     We were given BB guns for our 10th birthdays, made up games with sticks and tennis balls, and   -although we were told it would happen- we did not put out very many eyes.       We rode bikes or walked to a friend's house and knocked on the door or rang the bell, or just walked in and talked to them.      Little League had tryouts  and not everyone made the team.  Those who didn't had to learn  to deal with disappointment..   Imagine that!!        The idea of a parent bailing us out if we broke the law was unheard of. They actually sided with the law!     These generations have produced some of the best  risk-takers,  problem solvers, and inventors ever.   The past 50 to 85 years have seen an explosion of innovation and new ideas..   We had freedom, failure, success and responsibility, and we learned how to deal with it all.     If YOU are one of those born between 1925-1970, CONGRATULATIONS!    You might want to share this with others who have had to grow up as kids before the lawyers and the government regulated so much of our lives for our own good.    While you are at it, forward it to your kids, so they will know how brave and fortunate their parents were.     Kind of makes you want to run through the house with scissors, doesn't it ? ~~~~~~~ The quote of the month by Jay Leno:   "With hurricanes, tornados, fires out of control, mud slides, flooding, severe thunderstorms tearing up the country from one end to another, and with the threat of bird flu and terrorist attacks, are we sure this is a good time to take God out of the Pledge of Allegiance?"

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