Friday, June 3, 2011
the fRIDAY fUNNIES are located at
http://thefridayfunniesbydrbernie.blogspot.com
Lots of pictures this week … all great! And be sure to read way down to the bottom … they just keep getting better and better!
Happy Weekend! J dr Bernie
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Comments & Contributors
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
· Sy H – Thought For The Day
· Tom Sokolowski – I Love My Dog But …
· Teddi's Humor List via SymanSays – Destiny
· Feedblitz – A Sense of Substance
· Sokolowski – Senior Wisdom
· Dr Steven I – Found a New Dentist For You
. Barbara Rosenberg – What is a Calorie?
· Myles Alderman via Sokolowski – Advice to an Old Guy
· Jerry Rosenberg via Barbara – 5 Amazing Simple Home Remedies
· Cousin Eliane – Generation Y
· Hank Levine via Barry – The Gunfighter
· Barbara Rosenberg – Amish Elevator
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
From Sy H – Thought For The Day
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
To err is human, but to really foul things up you need a computer.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
From Tom Sokolowski – I Love My Dog But …
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
I Love my dog, but ..........
It just hit me....
My dog sleeps about 20 hours a day.
He has his food prepared for him.
His meals are provided at no cost to him.
He visits the Dr. once a year for his checkup,
and again during the year, if any medical needs arise.
For this he pays nothing, and nothing is required of him.
He lives in a nice neighborhood in a house that is much larger than he needs,
but he is not required to do any upkeep.
If he makes a mess, someone else cleans it up.
He has his choice of luxurious places to sleep.
He receives these accommodations absolutely free.
He is living like a king, and has absolutely no expenses whatsoever.
All of his costs are picked up by others who earn a living.
 |
| Nathan |
I was just thinking about all this, and suddenly it hit me like a brick in the head.........
My dog is a Democrat!
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
From Teddi's Humor List via SymanSays – Destiny
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
A couple of hippie hangovers had a daughter who they decided to name Destiny. No one ever thought she would make anything of herself, but after high school she went through hair cutting college and was soon receiving praises far and wide for her unique and fashionable styling skills.
People from all over now come in to have a brush with Destiny.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
From Feedblitz – A Sense of Substance
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
 |
| Substance |
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
From Sokolowski – Senior Wisdom
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
As we all know, Tiger returned to golf after a 5 month hiatus.
We have put together some words of advice he may want to follow.
When you see a woman....
And want her badly....
Please consider the following....
 |
| Beautiful |
No matter how beautiful she is.....
 |
| Sexy |
No matter how huge her breasts are...
 |
| Seductive |
 |
| Huge ... |
I forgot where I was going with this...
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
From Dr Steven I – Found a New Dentist For You
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
I am quitting dentistry. I found a new dentist for you
(PS from DrB – Dr Steven actually IS my dentist!)
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
From Barbara Rosenberg – What is a Calorie?
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Medical Alert: Worse than bedbugs!
Medical Alert: Worse than bedbugs!
What is a calorie?
Calories are the little bastards that get into your wardrobe at night and sew your clothes tighter.
MY CLOSET IS INFESTED WITH THE LITTLE SHITS.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
From Myles Alderman via Sokolowski – Advice to an Old Guy
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Advice to an Old Guy... ;-)
An old guy (not in the best of shape) was working out in the gym when he spotted a sweet young thing...
He asked the trainer that was nearby, "What machine in here should I use to impress that sweet thing over there?"
The trainer looked him up and down and said "I would try the ATM in the lobby".......
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
From Jerry Rosenberg via Barbara – 5 Amazing Simple Home Remedies
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
1. Avoid cutting yourself when slicing vegetables by getting someone else to hold the vegetables while you chop.
2. Avoid arguments with the females about lifting the toilet seat by using the sink.
3. A mousetrap placed on top of your alarm clock will prevent you from rolling over and going back to sleep after you hit the snooze button.
4. If you have a bad cough, take a large dose of laxatives. Then you'll be afraid to cough.
5. You only need two tools in life - wd-40 and duct tape. If it doesn't move and should, use the wd-40. If it shouldn't move and does, use the duct tape.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
From Cousin Eliane – Generation Y
From Cousin Eliane – Generation Y
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
- People born before 1946 were called The Silent generation.
- People born between 1946 and 1964 are called The Baby Boomers.
- People born between 1965 and 1979 are called Generation X, ..
- And people born between 1980 and 2010 are called Generation Y ,
 |
| Generation Y |
Why do we call the last group Generation Y? Y should I get a job? Y should I leave home and find my own place? Y should I get a car when I can borrow yours? Y should I clean my room? Y should I wash and iron my own clothes? Y should I buy any food?
But a cartoonist explained it very eloquently here...
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
From Hank Levine via Barry – The Gunfighter
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
A young cowboy sitting in a saloon one Saturday night recognized an elderly man standing at the bar who, in his day, had been the fastest gun in the West.
From Hank Levine via Barry – The Gunfighter
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
A young cowboy sitting in a saloon one Saturday night recognized an elderly man standing at the bar who, in his day, had been the fastest gun in the West.
The cowboy took a place next to the old-timer, bought him a drink and told him of his great ambition to be a great shot...
Could you give me some tips?' he asked.
The old man said, 'Well, for one thing, you're wearing your gun too high - tie the holster a little lower down on your leg.'
'Will that make me a better gunfighter?'
'Sure will '
the young man did as he was told, stood up, whipped out his .44 and shot the bow tie off the piano player.
'That's terrific!' said the cowboy. 'Got any more tips?'
'Yep,' said the old man. 'Cut a notch out of your holster where the hammer hits it - that'll give you a smoother draw'
'Will that make me a better gunfighter?' asked the young man.
'You bet it will,' said the old-timer.
The young man took out his knife, cut the notch, stood up, drew his gun in a blur, and then shot a cuff-link off the piano player.
'Wow!' exclaimed the cowboy 'I'm learnin' somethin' here. Got any more tips?'
The old man pointed to a large can in a corner of the saloon. 'See that axle grease over there? Coat your gun with it.'
The young man smeared some of the grease on the barrel of his gun.
'No,' said the old-timer, 'I mean smear it all over the gun, handle and all.'
'Will that make me a better gunfighter?' asked the young man.
'No,' said the old-timer, 'but when Wyatt Earp gets done playing the piano, he's gonna shove that gun up your ass, and it won't hurt as much.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
From Barbara Rosenberg – Amish Elevator
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
A fifteen year old Amish boy and his father were in a mall. They were amazed by almost everything they saw,
but especially by two shiny, silver walls that could move apart and then slide back together again.
 |
| The Silver Walls |
The boy asked, 'What is this Father?'
The father (never having seen an elevator) responded, 'Son, I have never seen anything like this in my life, I don't know what it is.'
 |
| Watching ... |
While the boy and his father were watching with amazement, a fat old lady in a powered wheel chair moved up to the moving walls
and pressed a button.
 |
| Fat Lady |
The walls opened, and the lady rolled between them into a small room.
The walls closed and the boy and his father watched the small numbers above the walls light up sequentially.
 |
| The 24-year old gorgeous blond |
They continued to watch until it reached the last number and then the numbers began to light in the reverse order.
Finally the walls opened up again and a gorgeous 24-year-old blond stepped out.
The father, not taking his eyes off the young woman, said quietly to his son.....
'Go get your Mother'
~~~~~~~~
Have a terrific weekend!
~~~~~~~~
© thefridayfunniesbydrbernie, 1996-today, All Rights Reserved. If you use any of the FUNNIES contained here, please give credit to the respective author/submitter … they work hard at this creative stuff! Thanks!
No comments:
Post a Comment