07 July 2012

Been too long since my last issue ... Apologies.. Have simply been degenerating.T ry these for today ... DrB http://thefridayfunniesbydrbernie.blogspot.com From Fred Silver - Magic Sandles ---------------------------------   A married couple were on holiday in Jamaica. They were touring aroundthe market-place looking at the goods and such, when they passed asmall sandal shop.  From inside they heard the shopkeeper with a Jamaican accent say, 'Youforeigners! Come in. Come into my humble shop.'   So the married couple walked in. The Jamaican said to them, 'I 'awesome special sandals I tink you would be interested in. Dey makes you wild at sex.'  Well, the wife was really interested in buying the sandals after what the man claimed, but her husband felt he really didn't need them, being the Sex God that he was.   The husband asked the man, 'How could sandals make you a sex freak?   The Jamaican replied, 'Just try dem on, Mon.'   Well, the husband, after some badgering from his wife, finally gave inand tried them on.  As soon as he slipped them onto his feet, he got this wild look in hiseyes, something his wife hadn't seen before!!In the blink of an eye, the husband grabbed the Jamaican, bent him over the table yanked down his pants, ripped down his own pants, and grabbed a firm hold of the Jamaican's thighs. The Jamaican began screaming: 'You got dem on de wrong feet!' ---------------From Joel Goldstein - Spelling ------------------------------ Adult Scrabble...  Rearrange the letters to spell out an important part of the human body which is even more useful when erect.P N E S I    Answer    scroll down....                         People who wrote SPINE became doctors,the rest are my email friends!- ------------------------------- From shirotora.net - drinks? -------------------------------- A Muslim was sitting next to Paddy on a plane.Paddy ordered a whisky.The stewardess asked the Muslim if he'd like a drink.He replied in disgust "I'd rather be raped by a dozen whores than let liquortouch my lips!"Paddy handed his drink back and said"Me too, I didn't know we had a choice!"- --------------------------------------- From From Feedblitz - You Didn't Need that Little Finger Anyway! --------------------------/////--------------- http://thisisindexed.com/wp-content/uploads/2012/07/card3305.jpg~ ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ From one liners - Great One-Liners~ ~~~~~~~~~~~~<~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ A fool and his money are soon partners. - Marriage is a 3-ring circus: engagement ring, wedding ring, suffering. - Why isn't 11 pronounced "onety-one?" - By the time a man is old enough to watch his step, he's too old to go anywhere. - Whatever hits the fan will not be evenly distributed.- Chocolate: The other food group. - Don't drink and drive. You might hit a bump and spill your drink.- Remember: in just two days, tomorrow will be yesterday. - What lies at the bottom of the ocean and twitches? a nervous wreck. - Just as I was getting used to yesterday, along came today. ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ From Chas Young - Avancular Puns ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ I changed my iPod's name to Titanic. It's syncing now. When chemists die, they barium. Jokes about German sausage are the wurst. I know a guy who's addicted to brake fluid. He says he can stop any time. How does Moses make his tea? Hebrews it. I stayed up all night to see where the sun went. Then it dawned on me. This girl said she recognized me from the vegetarian club, but I'd nevermetherbivore. I'm reading a book about anti-gravity. I just can't put it down. I did a theatrical performance about puns. It was a play on words. They told me I had type-A blood, but it was a Type-O. Why were the Indians here first? They had reservations. We are going on a class trip to the Coca-Cola factory. I hope there's no pop quiz! I didn't like my beard at first. Then it grew on me. Did you hear about the cross-eyed teacher who lost her job because shecouldn't control her pupils? Broken pencils are pointless.I tried to catch some fog, but I mist. What do you call a dinosaur with an extensive vocabulary? A thesaurus. England has no kidney bank, but it does have a Liverpool. I used to be a banker, but then I lost interest. I dropped out of communism class because of lousy Marx. I got a job at a bakery because I kneaded dough. Haunted French pancakes give me the crepes. Velcro - what a rip off! A cartoonist was found dead in his home. Details are sketchy Venison for dinner again? Oh deer! The earthquake in Washington obviously was the government's fault. Be kind to your dentist. He has fillings, too. ~~~~~~~~~~~~ HAVE A SUPER WEEKEND! ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ ..................Dr Bernie ......................