24 May 2013

Friday, May 24, 2013

the fRIDAY fUNNIES are located at
http://thefridayfunniesbydrbernie.blogspot.com

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Comments & Contributors
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Hi Everyone !  Not many contributions in the last couple of weeks, but,

here are a few goodies!  Enjoy!  And send stuff!

:) DrB

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From Joel Goldstein – Getting Older

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A distraught senior citizen 

phoned her doctor's office. 

"Is it true," she wanted to know, 

"that the medication 

you prescribed has to be taken 

for the rest of my life?" 

"'Yes, I'm afraid so,"' the doctor told her. 

There was a moment of silence 

before the senior lady replied, 

"I'm wondering, then, 

just how serious is my condition 

because this prescription is marked 

'NO REFILLS'.." 

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An older gentleman was 

on the operating table 

awaiting surgery 

and he insisted that his son, 

a renowned surgeon, 

perform the operation. 

As he was about to get the anesthesia, 

he asked to speak to his son. 

"Yes, Dad , what is it?" 

"Don't be nervous, son; 

do your best, 

and just remember, 

if it doesn't go well, 

if something happens to me, 

your mother 

is going to come and 

live with you and your wife...." 

(I LOVE IT!)

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Aging: 

Eventually you will reach a point 

when you stop lying about your age 

and start bragging about it. This is so true. I love 

to hear them say "you don't look that old." 

  

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The older we get, 

the fewer things 

seem worth waiting in line for. 

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Some people

try to turn back their odometers. 

Not me! 

I want people to know why 

I look this way. 

I've traveled 

a long way 

and some of the roads weren't paved. 

  

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When you are dissatisfied 

and would like to go back to youth, 

think of Algebra. 

  

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One of the many things 

no one tells you about aging 

is that it is such a nice change 

from being young. 

~~~~~~~~~~~ 

Ah, being young is beautiful, 

but being old is comfortable. 

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First you forget names, 

then you forget faces. 

Then you forget to pull up your zipper... 

it's worse when 

you forget to pull it down. 

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Two guys, one old, one young, 

are pushing their carts aroundWal-Mart 

when they collide. 

The old guy says to the young guy, 

"Sorry about that. I'm looking for my wife, 

and I guess I wasn't paying attention 

to where I was going." 

The young guy says, "That's OK, it's a coincidence. 

I'm looking for my wife, too... 

I can't find her and I'm getting a little desperate." 

The old guy says, "Well, 

maybe I can help you find her... 

what does she look like?" 

The young guy says, 

"Well, she is 27 yrs. old,tall, 

with red hair, 

blue eyes, is buxom...wearing no bra, 

long legs, 

and is wearing short shorts. 

What does your wife look like?' 

To which the old guy says,"Doesn't matter, 

--- let's look for yours." 

(ADORABLE) 

  

********************* 

(And this final one especially for me,) 

"Lord, keep Your arm around my shoulder 

and Your hand over my mouth!" 

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Another from Joel – The Tomato Garden

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(an oldie, but a real goodie!  DrB)

An old gentleman lived alone in New Jersey .

He wanted to plant his annual tomato garden,

but it was very difficult work, as the ground was hard.

His only son, Vincent, who used to help him, was in prison.

The old man wrote a letter to his son and described his predicament:

Dear Vincent,

I am feeling pretty sad because it looks like

I won't be able to plant my tomato garden this year.

I'm just getting too old to be digging up a garden plot.

I know if you were here my troubles would be over.

I know you would be happy to dig the plot for me, like

the old days.

Love,   Papa

A few days later he received a letter from his son.

Dear Papa,

Don't dig up that garden.

That's where the bodies are buried.

Love, Vinnie

At 4 a.m. the next morning,

FBI agents and local police arrived and dug up

the entire area without finding any bodies.

They apologized to the old man and left.

That same day the old man received another letter from his son.

Dear Papa,

Go ahead and plant the tomatoes now.

That's the best I could do under the circumstances.

Love you,

Vinnie

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From Alan Knight- Another Oldie

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The Original Computer!!!!

This made me laugh out loud...

Memory was something you lost with age

An application was for employment

A program was a TV show

A cursor used profanity

A keyboard was a piano

A web was a spider's home

A virus was the flu

A CD was a bank account

A hard drive was a long trip on the road

A mouse pad was where a mouse lived

And if you had a 3.5 inch floppy.

You just hoped nobody ever found out!?!  

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From Annie Shum and Alan Schulman– Sometimes Data Charts Are So Mis-Used

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Have a terrific holiday weekend!

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