Friday, May 31, 2013
the fRIDAY fUNNIES are located at
http://thefridayfunniesbydrbernie.blogspot.com
Funny stuff … it doesn’t happen magically or grow on trees! If you see a good joke from somewhere, send it over! Have a great weekend! DrB
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Comments & Contributors
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• Ken – For Golfers Mostly
• Chuck – Memory Stick
• the ImberBabe – 23 Signs You’ve Lived in NYC Too Long
• SyH from mvandriesen@gmail.com - All I Need to Know I learned from a Snowman:
• Tom Sokolowski – 25 Yogi-isms
• Feedblitz- The Panic Button is at the Top of Your Remote
• Feedblitz – Depends on, well, you know
• Sokolowski – Little League
• Sokolowski – When You’re Over Sixty …
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From Ken – For Golfers Mostly
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This was not an exciting subject and the professor decided to lighten up the mood.
He pointed to a young woman in the front row and asked, 'Do you know what your asshole is doing while you're having an orgasm?'
She replied, 'probably golfing with his buddies.’
It took 45 minutes to restore order in the classroom.
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From Chuck – Memory Stick
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http://imgur.com/4UopQ
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From the ImberBabe – 23 Signs You’ve Lived in NYC Too Long
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http://www.buzzfeed.com/jessicamisener/23-signs-youve-lived-in-new-york-city-too-long
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From SyH from mvandriesen@gmail.com - All I Need to Know I learned from a Snowman:
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** It's okay if you're a little bottom heavy.
** Hold your ground, even when the heat is on.
** Wearing white is always appropriate.
** Winter is the best of the four seasons.
** It takes a few extra rolls to make a good midsection.
** We're all made up of mostly water.
** Avoid yellow snow. Don't get too much sun.
** It's fun to hang out in your front yard.
** It's not the size of the carrot, but the placement that counts.
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From Tom Sokolowski – 25 Yogi-isms
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Lawrence Peter Berra played Major League Baseball for 19 years for the New York Yankees.
He played on 10 World Series Championship teams, is a MLB Hall of Famer and has some
Awe-inspiring Stats. His name is consistently brought up as one of the best catchers in baseball history,
And he was voted to the Team of the Century in 1999.
Amazing accomplishments aside, they probably aren't how you know Lawrence . You know him as Yogi,
A nickname given to him by a friend who likened his cross-legged sitting to a yogi.
Yogi is famous for his Fractured English, malapropisms and sometimes nonsensical quotes.
He's closing in on 86, and there Seems to be no end to his fans love for him.
Here are 25 Yogi Berra quotes that will make you shake your head and smile.
1. "It's like deja vu all over again."
2. "We made too many wrong mistakes."
3. "You can observe a lot just by watching."
4. "A nickel ain't worth a dime anymore."
5. "He hits from both sides of the plate. He's amphibious."
6. "If the world was perfect, it wouldn't be."
7. "If you don't know where you're going, you might end up some place else."
8. Responding to a question about remarks attributed to him that he did not think were his:
"I really didn't say everything I said."
9. "The future ain't what it use to be."
10. "I think Little League is wonderful. It keeps the kids out of the house."
11. On why he no longer went to Ruggeri's, a St. Louis restaurant:
"Nobody goes there anymore because it's too crowded."
12. "I always thought that record would stand until it was broken."
13. "We have deep depth."
14. "All pitchers are liars or crybabies."
15. When giving directions to Joe Garagiola to his New Jersey home, which is accessible by two routes:
"When you come to a fork in the road, take it."
16. "Always go to other people's funerals, otherwise they won't come to yours."
17. "Never answer anonymous letters."
18. On being the guest of honor at an awards banquet: "Thank you for making this day necessary."
19. "The towels were so thick there I could hardly close my suitcase."
20. "Half the lies they tell about me aren't true."
21. As a general comment on baseball: "90% of the game is half mental."
22. "I don't know (if they were men or women running naked across the field),
They had bags over their heads."
23. "It gets late early out there."
24. Carmen Berra, Yogi's wife asked: "Yogi, you are from St. Louis , we live in New Jersey , and you
Played ball in New York . If you go before I do, where would you like me to have you buried?" Yogi's
Answer: "Surprise me."
25. "It ain't over till it's over.....
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From Feedblitz- The Panic Button is at the Top of Your Remote
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From Feedblitz – Depends on, well, you know
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From Sokolowski – Little League
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At one point during a game, the coach called one of his 9-year-old baseball players aside and asked, 'Do you understand what cooperation is? What a team is?' The little boy nodded in the affirmative.
'Do you understand that what matters is whether we win or lose together as a team?'
The little boy nodded 'yes'.
'So,' the coach continued, 'I'm sure you know, when an out is called, you shouldn't argue, curse, attack the umpire, or call him a pecker-head, dickhead or asshole. Do you understand all that? '
The little boy nodded 'yes' again.
He continued, 'And when I take you out of the game so another boy gets a chance to play too, it's not good sportsmanship to call your coach "a dumb ass or shithead" is it?'
The little boy shook his head 'NO'.
'GOOD', said the coach . . . 'Now go over there and
explain all that to your grandmother!'
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From Sokolowski – When You’re Over Sixty …
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When you are over sixty who gives a shit?
This asshole looked at my beer belly last night and sarcastically said, "Is that Corona or Bud?"
I said, "There's a tap underneath; taste it and find out."
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I was talking to a girl in the bar last night.She said, "If you lost a few pounds,had a shave and got your hair cut, you'd look all right."
I said, "If I did that, I'd be talking to your friends over there instead of you."
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I was telling a girl in the pub about my ability to guess what day a woman was born just by feeling her boobs.
"Really" she said, "Go on then...try."
After about thirty seconds of fondling she began to lose patience and said.
"Come on, what day was I born"?
I said, "Yesterday."
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Have a terrific weekend!
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