14 June 2013

Friday, June 14, 2013

the fRIDAY fUNNIES are located at http://thefridayfunniesbydrbernie.blogspot.com

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Comments & Contributors
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Thanks to everyone for sending in some fUNNIES this week.  Want more fUNNIES to read? Send good ones to me!

Enjoy!   DrB

the fRIDAY fUNNIES are located at
http://thefridayfunniesbydrbernie.blogspot.com

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Comments & Contributors
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Thanks to everyone for sending in some fUNNIES this week.  Want more fUNNIES to read? Send good ones to me!

Enjoy!   DrB

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From Annie Shum- What to do When the Internet is Down
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From Dick Sziede – I Survived!

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From  Annie Shum – True Story
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They work them hard in German banks.

They make the eat, breathe, and sleep their jobs. Especially that last one.

At least that's the impression that must be gleaned from the tale of a German bank employee who fell asleep on his computer keyboard.

Oh, we've all done it. We've all woken up hours later to read that we just wrote: "CHHCHCHCHCHCCHCHCHCHCCCO."

And yet this bank employee seems to have fallen asleep during a transfer of funds.

Banker sleeps on keyboard, mistakenly transfers $293M

He WAS supposed to make a transfer of 62.40 euros, but somehow he falls asleep on the keyboard and continually presses the number 2.

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From DICK SZIEDE - HEAVEN

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Mike and Yvonne were 85 years old and had been married for sixty years. Though they were far from rich, they managed to get by because they carefully watched their pennies.

Though not young, they were both in very good health, largely due to Yvonne's insistence on healthy foods and exercise for the last decade.

One day, their good health didn't help when they went on a vacation and their plane crashed, sending them off to Heaven. 

They reached the pearly gates, and St. Peter escorted them inside. He took them to a beautiful mansion, furnished in gold and fine silks, with a fully stocked kitchen and a waterfall in the master bath.

A maid could be seen hanging their favorite clothes in the closet. They gasped in astonishment when he said, 'Welcome to Heaven. This will be your home now.'

Mike asked Peter how much all this was going to cost. 'Why, nothing,' Peter replied, 'remember, this is your reward in Heaven.' 

Mike looked out the window and right there he saw a championship golf course, finer and more beautiful than any ever built on Earth. 

'What are the greens fees?' grumbled Mike. 

'This is heaven,' St. Peter replied. 'You can play for free, every day.' 

Next they went to the clubhouse and saw the lavish buffet lunch.   'Don't even ask,' said St. Peter to Mike. This is Heaven, it is all free for you to enjoy.' 

Mike looked around and nervously asked Yvonne 'Well, where are the low fat and low cholesterol foods and the decaffeinated tea?' 

'That's the best part,' St. Peter replied. 'You can eat and drink as much as you like and you will never get fat or sick. This is Heaven!'

'No gym to work out at?' said Mike

'Not unless you want to,' was the answer.

'No testing my sugar or blood pressure or...' 

'Never again'

Mike glared at Yvonne and said, 'You and your Fucking Bran Flakes. We could have been here ten years ago!' 

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From Chuck Hopf – Inner Peace

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If you can start the day without caffeine,

If you  can always be cheerful, ignoring aches and pains

If you can resist complaining and  boring people with your troubles,



If you can eat the same food every  day and be grateful for it, 



If you can understand when your loved  ones are too busy to give you any time,


If you can take criticism and  blame without resentment,



If you can conquer tension  without  medical help,


If you can relax without alcohol,  



If  you can sleep without the aid of  drugs,   

...Then  You Are  Probably  ..........  

The  Family Dog!   

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from Tom Sokolowski – Old Age is Great

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 An old lady was asked,

"At your ripe age, what would you prefer to get : Parkinsons or Alzheimers?"

The wise one answered,

"Definitely Parkinsons - Better to spill half my wine than to forget where I keep the bottle."

     

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from Dave Berger – The Serman
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During our priest's sermon a large plant fell over right behind the pulpit, crashing to the ground. Acknowledging his reputation for long-windedness, he smiled sheepishly and said, "Well, the's the first time I actually put a plant to sleep."

     

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from Feedblitz – Pounce, Kill, Devour, Hooray

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Have a terrific weekend!

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