Friday, July 12, 2013
the fRIDAY fUNNIES are located at
http://thefridayfunniesbydrbernie.blogspot.com
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Comments &
Contributors
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Hi Guys! Summer’s here! Yay!
Am trying very hard to master the art of “chillin”! I still have a ways to go!
Hopefully, some of these will bring
a smile to you this weekend! DrB
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From Tom
D – The Day Einstein Feared the Most
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It’s here.
A Visit to the Museum
Having a Conversation with Your BFF
Out on an Intimate Date
Having Dinner Out with Your Friends
A Day at the Beach
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From Tom Sokolowski – Is Romance Dead?
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A
middle-aged couple had finally learned how to send and receive texts on their
cell phones.
The
wife, being a romantic at heart, decided one day that she'd send her husband a
text while she
was out of the house having coffee with a friend.
She
texted:
If
you are sleeping, send me your dreams.
If you are laughing, send me your smile.
If you are eating, send me a bite.
If you are drinking, send me a sip.
If you are crying, send me your tears.
I love you.
The husband, being a no-nonsense sort of guy, texted back: I'm on the toilet. Please advise.
If you are laughing, send me your smile.
If you are eating, send me a bite.
If you are drinking, send me a sip.
If you are crying, send me your tears.
I love you.
The husband, being a no-nonsense sort of guy, texted back: I'm on the toilet. Please advise.
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From Symansays
– Questions?
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How much deeper would
oceans be if sponges didn't live there?
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Clones are people two.
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Go ahead take
risks...just be sure that everything will turn out OK.
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Ever wonder waht the
speed of lightning would be if it didn't zigzag?
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If a cow laughed,
would milk come out of her nose?
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So what's the speed of
dark?
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Why don't they just
make mouse-flavoured cat food?
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Why do they sterilize
needles for lethal injections?
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Is it true that
cannibals don't eat clowns because they taste funny?
Isn't Disney World a people trap operated by a mouse?
Isn't Disney World a people trap operated by a mouse?
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From Chuck
– How Do You Know?
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Hello all, this
little video only takes about 5 seconds...... YOU HAVE TO HAVE YOUR SOUND ON!!
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From Symansays – Gr8Humor
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Gr8Humor-
... The clinic was called Joe's Hospital and Grill.
... in order to paint traffic lines, the road had to be widened.
... you had to make a reservation to use the parking meter.
... during snowstorms, salt was spread using a Salad Shooter.
... the local Motel 6 only slept six.
... during a boxing match, both men have to sit in the same corner.
... the class valedictorian had both the highest and lowest GPA.
... the mayor was also the sheriff, Town Council and
street sweeper.
... there was no town drunk-- everybody had to take turns.
... The clinic was called Joe's Hospital and Grill.
... in order to paint traffic lines, the road had to be widened.
... you had to make a reservation to use the parking meter.
... during snowstorms, salt was spread using a Salad Shooter.
... the local Motel 6 only slept six.
... during a boxing match, both men have to sit in the same corner.
... the class valedictorian had both the highest and lowest GPA.
... the mayor was also the sheriff, Town Council and
street sweeper.
... there was no town drunk-- everybody had to take turns.
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from Dr Annie – Fantasy vs Reality
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Title: Fantasy vs. Reality
Author: Alex
Age: 9
Mom says: Alex wrote
the note for a school assignment last year. "He really calls things as he
sees them," she notes.
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from cousin Garry L – The Back Pew
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A pastor's wife was
expecting a baby, so the pastor stood before the congregation and asked
for a raise. After much discussion, they passed a rule that whenever the
pastor's family expanded; so would his paycheck.
After 6 children, this started to get expensive and the congregation decided to hold another meeting to discuss the pastor's expanding salary. A great deal of yelling and inner bickering ensued, as to how much the pastor's additional children were costing the church, and how much more it could potentially cost.
After listening to them for about an hour, the pastor rose from his chair and spoke, "Children are a gift from God, and we will take as many gifts as He gives us." Silence fell over the congregation.
After 6 children, this started to get expensive and the congregation decided to hold another meeting to discuss the pastor's expanding salary. A great deal of yelling and inner bickering ensued, as to how much the pastor's additional children were costing the church, and how much more it could potentially cost.
After listening to them for about an hour, the pastor rose from his chair and spoke, "Children are a gift from God, and we will take as many gifts as He gives us." Silence fell over the congregation.
In the back pew, a little old lady struggled to stand, and finally said in her frail voice...
" Rain is also a gift from God, but when we get too much of it, we wear rubbers ."
The entire congregation said, "Amen."
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from Sokolowski – The Squeezer
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The local bar was so
sure that its bartender was the strongest man around that they offered a
standing $1000 bet. The bartender would squeeze a lemon until all the juice ran
into a glass, and hand the lemon to a patron. Anyone who could squeeze one more
drop of juice out would win the money.
Many people had tried.... over time: weightlifters, longshoremen, etc., but nobody could do it. One day, this scrawny little fellow came into the bar, wearing thick glasses and a polyester suit, and said in a small voice, "I'd like to try the bet."
After the laughter had died down, the bartender said, "OK"; grabbed the lemon; and squeezed away. Then he handed the wrinkled remains of the rind to the little fellow. But the Crowd's laughter turned to total silence.... as the man clenched his little fist around the lemon.... and six drops fell into the glass.
As the crowd cheered, the bartender paid the $1000, and asked the little man: "What do you do for a living? Are you a lumberjack, a weight-lifter, or what?"
The little fellow quietly replied: “I work for the IRS!”
Many people had tried.... over time: weightlifters, longshoremen, etc., but nobody could do it. One day, this scrawny little fellow came into the bar, wearing thick glasses and a polyester suit, and said in a small voice, "I'd like to try the bet."
After the laughter had died down, the bartender said, "OK"; grabbed the lemon; and squeezed away. Then he handed the wrinkled remains of the rind to the little fellow. But the Crowd's laughter turned to total silence.... as the man clenched his little fist around the lemon.... and six drops fell into the glass.
As the crowd cheered, the bartender paid the $1000, and asked the little man: "What do you do for a living? Are you a lumberjack, a weight-lifter, or what?"
The little fellow quietly replied: “I work for the IRS!”
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Have a terrific weekend!
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