11 FEB 2011 - Valentine's Day special?

This Week in the fRIDAY fUNNIES ...

The current issue of the fRIDAY fUNNIES can be found at
http://thefridayfunniesbydrbernie.blogspot.com  (full media) and
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Contributions (jokes, NOT money!) are actively encouraged - actually desperately needed - and should be sent directly to ME, Dr Bernie, at
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11 February 2011

Hi Everyone!  

Still too cold for me … did the groundhog see his shadow?  And what does it mean if he did???  WHERE’S SOME WARM WEATHER???

HAVE A GREAT WEEK!

:-)> Dr Bernie

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Contributions This Week From  
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• Maureen O'Brien via SymanSays - You Know You Are Living in 2011 when... 
• Feedblitz - Funny-Ew Or Funny-Ha
• Barry – No Explanation Required
• cousin Eliane – Airline Pilot and the Priest
• Tom Sokolowski – New Truck – It’s a Beauty
• Pastor Tim via SymanSays - The Cowboy's Ten Commandments
• FeedBlitz – Knocked Off Your Feet
• Fred Silver – Andy Gray’s Resignation Letter
• VanDriesen – Golf Joke
• Irving – Honey Could You Shovel the Driveway?

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fROM   Maureen O'Brien via SymanSays - You Know You Are Living in 2011 when... 

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1. You accidentally enter your pin number on the microwave

2. You haven't played solitaire with real cards in years.

3. You have a list of 15 phone numbers to reach your family of three.

4. You E-mail the person who works at the desk next to you.

5. Your reason for not staying in touch with friends and family is

   that they don't have E-mail addresses.

6.  You pull up in your driveway and use your cell phone to see if

    anyone is home to help you carry in the groceries.

7.  Every commercial on television has a web site at the bottom of the

    screen.

8. Leaving the house without your cell phone, which you didn't even

   have the first 20 or 30 or (50) years of your life, is now cause

   for panic and you turn around to go and get it.

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From Feedblitz - Funny-Ew Or Funny-Ha

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http://www.feedblitz.com/t2.asp?/147031/10269922/0/http://thisisindexed.com/wp-content/uploads/2011/02/card2809.jpg

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 fROM Barry – No Explanation Required
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A visitor to Israel attended a recital and concert at the Moscovitz 
Auditorium. He was quite impressed with the architecture and the 
acoustics. He inquired of the tour guide, "Is this magnificent 
auditorium named after Chaim Moscovitz, the famous Talmudic scholar?

"No," replied the guide. "It is named after Sam Moscovitz, the writer."
 

"Never heard of him. What did he write?"
 

"A check," replied the guide.

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fROM cousin Eliane – Airline Pilot and the Priest
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A priest dies and is waiting in  line at the Pearly Gates  Ahead of him  is a guy who's dressed  in sunglasses, a loud shirt, leather jacket, and  jeans.

 Saint Peter addresses this cool guy, 'Who are you, so that I may  know  whether or not to admit you to the Kingdom of Heaven ? 'The guy replies,  'I'm Jack, retired Continental Airlines Pilot from Houston

 Saint Peter consults his  list.  He smiles and says to the pilot, 'Take  this silken robe  and golden staff and enter the Kingdom.'  The pilot goes  into  Heaven with his robe and staff.

Next, it's the priest's  turn.  He stands erect and booms out, 'I am  Father Bob, pastor  of Saint Mary's in Pasadena for the last 43 years.'   Saint Peter  consults his list.  He says to the priest, 'Take this cotton  robe and wooden staff and enter the Kingdom.

 'Just a minute,' says  the good father. 'That man was a pilot and he gets  a silken robe and  golden staff and I get only cotton and wood.  How can  this  be?

'Up here - we go by  results,' says Saint Peter.  'When you preached -  people  slept.   When he flew, people  prayed.'

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fROM Tom Sokolowski – New Truck – It’s a Beauty
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fROM Pastor Tim via SymanSays - The Cowboy's Ten Commandments
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1.  Just one God.

2.  Honor your Ma & Pa.

3.  No telling tales or gossipin'.

4.  Git yourself to Sunday meeting.

5.  No foolin' around with another fellow's gal.

6.  Put nothin' before God.

7.  No killin'.

8.  Watch yer mouth

9.  Don't take what ain't yers.

10. Don't be hankerin' for your buddy's stuff.

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fROM FeedBlitz – Knocked Off Your Feet
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http://thisisindexed.com/wp-content/uploads/2011/02/card2810.jpg

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fROM Fred Silver – Andy Gray’s Resignation Letter
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Andy Gray's Resignation Letter........

I'm so sad to be leaving a company that I've served for over 20 years and a job that I've loved doing.

However, as I'm sacked anyway, I might as well tell you the story about my friend that I was going to tell on air next week.

You see, she got a job as a teacher of physical education to a group of teenage boys.

One day she notices a boy in the field standing alone at one end of the field, while all the other kids are running around at the other end having fun.

She takes pity on him and decides to speak to him.

"You ok sweetheart?" she says.

"Yes Miss" he replies.

"'You can go and play with the other kids if you want" she says.

"It's best I stay here Miss." he says.

"Why?" asks the blonde.

The boy replies: "Because I'm the f***ing goal keeper"

Yours sincerely.

Andy Gray

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fROM VanDriesen – Golf Joke
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The duffer muffed his tee shot into the woods, then hit a few trees, then proceeded to hit across the fairway into some other woods. Finally, after banging away several more times, he proceeded to hit into a sand trap. All the while, he'd noticed that the club pro had been watching.

"What club should I use now?" he asked the pro.

"I don't know," the pro replied.

"What game are you playing?"

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fROM Irving – Honey Could You Shovel the Driveway?
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Lead, South Dakota –

+++++++++++++++++++++++++

Hope everybody has a great weekend!

tHE fRIDAY fUNNIES is a free, weekly distribution by a lunatic to other lunatics who submit lunacy for the other lunatics to read and enjoy to get the weekend started. No personal offense is intended to any group of humans or aliens, so please, don't be offended. Contributions (jokes, NOT money!) are actively encouraged - actually desperately needed - and should be sent directly to ME, Dr Bernie, at
fRIDAYfUNNIESbyDrBernie-owner@yahoogroups.com

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Dr. Bernie Domanski
 Email: fRIDAYfUNNIESbyDrBernie-owner@yahoogroups.com
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