| This Week in the Friday Funnies by Dr Bernie ... |
Friday, February 4, 2011
the fRIDAY fUNNIES are located at
http://thefridayfunniesbydrbernie.blogspot.com
Better late than never? Hope you get the laughs you need!
J Dr Bernie
J Dr Bernie
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Comments & Contributors
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- Paul Keister – Texas Compassion
- MP via Barry – First Grade Drawing
- cousin Eliane – Dear Egypt
- Tom Sokolowski – I Miss Being a Little Boy!
- Sokolowski – Romantic Dinner
- Feedblitz – Covens and Covenents
- Tom Sokolowski – The Kiss
- Denny Adams - The Moonshiner
- Fred Silver – Why We Should Consume the Vine
- Tom Sokolowski – POOF and the Light Goes Off
- Joanne Tenagio – How Do You Know Its Time to Stop Driving?
- SymanSays – A Holy Laugh
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From Paul Keister – Texas Compassion
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The Eyes of Texas are Upon You.One day, a very gentle Texas lady was driving across a high bridge in Austin. As she neared the top of the bridge, she noticed a young man fixin (means: “getting ready to” in Suthren) to jump. She stopped her car, rolled down the window, and said, "Please don't jump. Think of your dear mother and father."
He replied, "My mom and dad are both dead; I'm going to jump."
She said, "Well, think of your sweet wife and precious children."
He replied, "I'm not married, and I don't have any kids."
She said, "Well, then you just remember the Alamo ."
He replied, ''What's the Alamo ?''
She replied, ''Well bless your heart; just go ahead and jump you little Yankee bastard!''
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From MP via Barry – First Grade Drawing
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From cousin Eliane – Dear Egypt
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Dear Egypt,
Dear Egypt,
Please don't destroy the pyramids, because we will not re-build them.
Signed,
The Jews
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From Tom Sokolowski – I Miss Being a Little Boy!
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From Sokolowski – Romantic Dinner
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From Feedblitz – Covens and Covnants
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http://thisisindexed.com/wp-content/uploads/2011/02/card2806.jpg
http://thisisindexed.com/wp-content/uploads/2011/02/card2806.jpg
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From Tom Sokolowski – The Kiss
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A tough looking biker was riding his Harley when he sees a girl about
A tough looking biker was riding his Harley when he sees a girl about
to jump off a bridge so he stops.
What are you doing?" he asks.
"I'm going to commit a suicide," she says.
While he did not want to appear insensitive, he didn't want to miss
While he did not want to appear insensitive, he didn't want to miss
an opportunity either..
He asked "Well, before you jump, why don't you give me a Kiss?"
So, a kiss he gets, long, slow, passionate..
After she's finished, the biker says, "Wow! That was the best Kiss
He asked "Well, before you jump, why don't you give me a Kiss?"
So, a kiss he gets, long, slow, passionate..
After she's finished, the biker says, "Wow! That was the best Kiss
I have ever had.
That's a real talent you are wasting. You could be famous. Why
are you committing suicide?"
My parents don't like me dressing up like a girl......"
The Biker threw himself off the bridge!
My parents don't like me dressing up like a girl......"
The Biker threw himself off the bridge!
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From Denny Adams - The Moonshiner
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One day, as she transported her product to the black market, she had truck trouble and had to stop by the side of the road. A young man named Tommy was passing by and stopped to help her. He was unaware of her illegal activities and remained in the dark throughout the course of the growing friendship which ensued. In due course, they even became lovers with him completely unaware of her activities.
One evening, the government raided her place of business and arrested her. Her young lover was with her when she was arrested and suddenly became aware of her past. The officers then transported her to the local county jail where she remained overnight.
Tommy came to visit her in the morning and as he left the sheriff asked him: “I guess this will change your feelings about her, won’t it lad?”
Tommy’s response was quick and emphatic. He turned to the sheriff and simply said: “She may be only a whiskey maker, but I love her still.”
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From Fred Silver – Why We Should Consume the Vine
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And those who don't and are always
seen with a bottle of water in their hand.
As Ben Franklin said:
In wine there is wisdom,
In beer there is freedom,
In water there is bacteria.
In a number of carefully controlled trials,
Scientists have demonstrated that if we drink
1 litre of water each day,
At the end of the year we would have absorbed
More than 1 kilo of Escherichia coli, (E. Coli) - bacteria
Found in feces.
In other words, we are consuming 1 kilo of poop.
However,
We do NOT run that risk when drinking wine & beer
(or tequila, rum, whiskey or other liquor)
Because alcohol has to go through a purification process
Of boiling, filtering and/or fermenting.
Remember:
Water = Poop,
Wine = Health
Therefore, it's better to drink wine and talk stupid,
Than to drink water and be full of $hit..
There is no need to thank me for this valuable information:
I'm doing it as a public service
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From Joanne Tenagio – How Do You Know Its Time to Stop Driving?
From Joanne Tenagio – How Do You Know Its Time to Stop Driving?
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From Tom Sokolowski – POOF and the Light Goes Off
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POOF and the light goes off
An 86-year-old man goes for a physical. All of his test results come back normal.
The doctor says, "Gary everything looks great. How are you doing mentally and emotionally? Are you at peace with God?"
Gary replies, "God and I are tight.
He knows I have poor eyesight, so he's fixed it so when I get up in the middle of the night to go to the bathroom, *poof* the light goes on. When I'm done, *poof* the light goes off."
"Wow, that's incredible," the doctor says.
A little later in the day, the doctor calls Gary's wife.
"Marianne, he says, Gary is doing fine but I had to call you because I'm in awe of his relationship with God. Is it true that he gets up during the night and *poof * the light goes on in the bathroom, and when he's done, *poof* the light goes off?"
"OH MY GOD!" Marianne exclaims.
"He's peeing in the refrigerator again!!!!"
From Tom Sokolowski – POOF and the Light Goes Off
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POOF and the light goes off
An 86-year-old man goes for a physical. All of his test results come back normal.
The doctor says, "Gary everything looks great. How are you doing mentally and emotionally? Are you at peace with God?"
Gary replies, "God and I are tight.
He knows I have poor eyesight, so he's fixed it so when I get up in the middle of the night to go to the bathroom, *poof* the light goes on. When I'm done, *poof* the light goes off."
"Wow, that's incredible," the doctor says.
A little later in the day, the doctor calls Gary's wife.
"Marianne, he says, Gary is doing fine but I had to call you because I'm in awe of his relationship with God. Is it true that he gets up during the night and *poof * the light goes on in the bathroom, and when he's done, *poof* the light goes off?"
"OH MY GOD!" Marianne exclaims.
"He's peeing in the refrigerator again!!!!"
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From SymanSays – A Holy Laugh
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A Holy Laugh:
A Sunday School teacher began her lesson with a question. "Boys and girls, what do we know about God?" A hand shot up in the air. "He is an artist!" said the kindcergarten boy. "Really? How do you know?" the taecher asked.
"You know-Our Father, who does art in heaven..."
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Have a terrific weekend!
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