Friday, September 24, 2010
the fRIDAY fUNNIES are located at
the fRIDAY fUNNIES are located at
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Comments & Contributors
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· SymanSays – Some State Mottos
· Kathy Brush Murphy – Wedding Fairy
· Tom Sokolowski – SUV Present
· SyH – Did You Ever Wonder?
· Tom Sokolowski – Religious Truths
· Sokolowski – Defining Calories
· Sokolowski – The Dark Side of Women
· Frank Ingrassia – Speed Bump
· Denny Adams – Technology at its Best
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From SymanSays – Some State Mottos
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Some State Mottos: -From Joke-of-the=Day:
- Colorado: "If you don't ski, don't bother."
- Florida: "Ask us about our grandchildren."
- Illinois: "Please don't pronounce the "S."
- Iowa: "We do amazing things with corn."
- Maryland If you can dream it, we can tax it."
- Minnesota: "10,000 lakes. 10,000,000,000,000 mosquitoes."
- North Carolina: " Tobacco is a vegetable."
- Vermont: "Yep."
- Wisconsi: "Come cut the cheese."
- Pennsylvania: "Cook with coal."
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From Kathy Brush Murphy – Wedding Fairy
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A married couple in their early 60 ' s were celebrating their
40th Wedding Anniversary in a quiet, romantic little restaurant....
Suddenly, a tiny yet beautiful fairy appeared on their table.
She said, "For being such an exemplary married couple and for being
loving to each other for all this time, I will grant you each a
wish."
The wife answered, "Oh, I want to travel around the world
with my darling husband." The fairy waved her magic wand and - poof! - two
tickets for the Queen Mary II appeared in her hands.
The husband thought for a moment: "Well, this is all very romantic,
but an opportunity like this will never come again. I'm sorry my
love, but my wish is to have a wife 30 years younger than I."
The wife, and the fairy, were deeply disappointed, but a wish is
a wish.
So the fairy waved her magic wand and poof!....the husband
became 93 years old. The moral of this story: Men who are ungrateful
bastards should remember fairies are female .....
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From Tom Sokolowski – SUV Present
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Two old guys talking.
One said to the other: "My 69th birthday yesterday. Wife gave me an SUV".
Other guy: "Wow, that's amazing! Imagine, an SUV! What a great gift!"
First guy: "Yup. Socks, Underwear and Viagra!"
One said to the other: "My 69th birthday yesterday. Wife gave me an SUV".
Other guy: "Wow, that's amazing! Imagine, an SUV! What a great gift!"
First guy: "Yup. Socks, Underwear and Viagra!"
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From SyH – Did You Ever Wonder?
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Did You Ever Wonder...
- Can you cry under water?
- If money doesn't grow on trees why do banks have branches?
- Since bread is square, then why is sandwich meat round?
- Why do we have to "put your two cents in?...but it's only a "penny
for your thoughts?" Where's that extra penny going?
- Once you are in heaven, do you get stuck wearing the same clothes
you were buried in for eternity?
- Why does a round pizza come in a square box?
- If a deaf person has to go to court, is it still called a hearing?
- What did cured ham actually have?
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From Barbara Rosenberg – Too Cute
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It is so unusual to get a funny, non political, non sexist, non racist, and non doomsday message that I wanted to make your day by sending it along! I know you'll enjoy it.
The potty --
a little three year old boy is sitting on the toilet. His mother thinks he has been in there too long, so she goes in to see what's up. The little boy is sitting on the toilet reading a book. But about every 15 seconds or so, he puts the book down, grips onto the toilet seat with his left hand and hits himself on top of his head with his right hand.
His mother says: "billy, are you all right? You've been in here for a while."
billy says: "i'm fine, mommy. I just haven't gone potty' yet."
mother says: "ok, you can stay here a few more minutes. But, billy, why are you hitting yourself on the head?"
billy says: "works for ketchup."
a little three year old boy is sitting on the toilet. His mother thinks he has been in there too long, so she goes in to see what's up. The little boy is sitting on the toilet reading a book. But about every 15 seconds or so, he puts the book down, grips onto the toilet seat with his left hand and hits himself on top of his head with his right hand.
His mother says: "billy, are you all right? You've been in here for a while."
billy says: "i'm fine, mommy. I just haven't gone potty' yet."
mother says: "ok, you can stay here a few more minutes. But, billy, why are you hitting yourself on the head?"
billy says: "works for ketchup."
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From Tom Sokolowski – Religious Truths
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During these serious times, people of all faiths should remember these four great religious truths:
1. Muslims do not recognize Jews as God’s chosen people.
2. Jews do not recognize Jesus as the Messiah.
3. Protestants do not recognize the Pope as the leader of the Christian world.
4. Southern Baptists do not recognize each other at Hooters or the liquor store.
1. Muslims do not recognize Jews as God’s chosen people.
2. Jews do not recognize Jesus as the Messiah.
3. Protestants do not recognize the Pope as the leader of the Christian world.
4. Southern Baptists do not recognize each other at Hooters or the liquor store.
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From Sokolowski – Defining Calories
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Defining Calories: Calories are the little bastards that get into your wardrobe at night and sew your clothes tighter.~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
From Sokolowski – The Dark Side of Women
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A woman was in town on a shopping trip. She began her day by finding the most perfect shoes in the first shop and a beautiful dress on sale slashed by 75 percent in the second. In the third, everything had just been reduced by 50 percent when her mobile phone rang.
It was a female doctor notifying her that her husband had just been in a terrible car accident and was in critical condition in the ICU. The woman told the doctor to inform her husband where she was and that she'd be there as soon as possible.
As she hung up she realized she was leaving what was shaping up to be her best day ever in the boutiques. She decided to get in a couple more shops before heading to the hospital. She ended up shopping the rest of the morning, finishing her trip with a cup of coffee and a beautiful chocolate cake slice, compliments of the last shop. She was jubilant.
Then she remembered her husband. Feeling guilty, she dashed to the hospital. She saw the woman doctor in the corridor and asked about her husband's condition. The doctor glared at her and shouted, "You went ahead and finished your shopping trip, didn't you!? I hope you're proud of yourself! While you were out for the past four hours enjoying yourself in town, your husband has been languishing in pain in the Intensive Care Unit! It's just as well you went ahead and finished, because it will more than likely be the last shopping trip you'll ever take! For the rest of his life he will require round-the-clock care. And he will now be your career!"
The woman, overcome with guilt, broke down and sobbed.
The female Doc chuckled and said, "I'm just messing with you. He's dead. Now show me what you bought."
It was a female doctor notifying her that her husband had just been in a terrible car accident and was in critical condition in the ICU. The woman told the doctor to inform her husband where she was and that she'd be there as soon as possible.
As she hung up she realized she was leaving what was shaping up to be her best day ever in the boutiques. She decided to get in a couple more shops before heading to the hospital. She ended up shopping the rest of the morning, finishing her trip with a cup of coffee and a beautiful chocolate cake slice, compliments of the last shop. She was jubilant.
Then she remembered her husband. Feeling guilty, she dashed to the hospital. She saw the woman doctor in the corridor and asked about her husband's condition. The doctor glared at her and shouted, "You went ahead and finished your shopping trip, didn't you!? I hope you're proud of yourself! While you were out for the past four hours enjoying yourself in town, your husband has been languishing in pain in the Intensive Care Unit! It's just as well you went ahead and finished, because it will more than likely be the last shopping trip you'll ever take! For the rest of his life he will require round-the-clock care. And he will now be your career!"
The woman, overcome with guilt, broke down and sobbed.
The female Doc chuckled and said, "I'm just messing with you. He's dead. Now show me what you bought."
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From Frank Ingrassia – Speed Bump
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Simply great! :) DrB
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From Denny Adams – Technology at its Best
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Hong Kong at Dusk (I haven't a clue how this can happen!) Pay close attention to instructions.
Place your cursor at the top of the photo. You will notice it is 6:10 PM.
Bring the mouse down slowly over the photo without pressing the button on the mouse. Do not right or left click.
Night time appears, the lights come on, and at 7:40 PM, it's dark!
I think this is photo technology at its best!
Click below.
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